One Liners

• We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• Common sense is not common enough.
• After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.
• All good things must come to an end. I just want to know when they start.
• Asking stupid questions is easier than correcting stupid mistakes.
• Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare it.
• Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
• If at first you don't succeed - do what she said in the first place.
• Never hit a man when he's down - wait until he's halfway up then catch him off balance.
• Life isn't easy, but its better than the alternative.
• Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
• Don't lend people money - it gives them amnesia.
• Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
• Chipped dishes never break.
• Life is like a mystery tour yet we all know the final destination.
• Never resent growing old, millions are denied the privilege.
• People would do well to remember that the human race is a team event.
• Palmistry is a dangerous thing in the wrong hands.
• There are 3 types of people those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what on earth's happening.
• Old age is a time when hip-hop and jump becomes hip-op and bump.
• If it's too good to be true - it's too good to be true.

Cool Signs

• Over a gynaecologist's office: "Dr.Jones, at your cervix."
• On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
• At a dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here."
• On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
• Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
• Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
• In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
• On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
• In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
• On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
• At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

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