- We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we
- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- Common sense is not common enough.
- After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin
to wonder about history.
- All good things must come to an end. I just want to know when they
- Asking stupid questions is easier than correcting stupid mistakes.
- Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can
- Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the
- If at first you don't succeed - do what she said in the first place.
- Never hit a man when he's down - wait until he's halfway up then
catch him off balance.
- Life isn't easy, but its better than the alternative.
- Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
- Don't lend people money - it gives them amnesia.
- Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
- Chipped dishes never break.
- Life is like a mystery tour yet we all know the final destination.
- Never resent growing old, millions are denied the privilege.
- People would do well to remember that the human race is a team event.
- Palmistry is a dangerous thing in the wrong hands.
- There are 3 types of people those who make things happen, those who
watch things happen, and those who wonder what on earth's happening.
- Old age is a time when hip-hop and jump becomes hip-op and bump.
- If it's too good to be true - it's too good to be true.
- Over a gynaecologist's office: "Dr.Jones, at your cervix."
- On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
- At a dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here."
- On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't
sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
- Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
- Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you
- In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
- Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your
- On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
- In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are
on fire and take appropriate action."
- On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
- At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're
looking for, you've come to the right place."
- In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll
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