Senior Citizens

I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN & proud of it

I'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts until 8 p.m. I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, and antacid. I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over. I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care. I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg. I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...uh???...uh. I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate. I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflationary. I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors... absolutely nothing! If you are what you eat, I'm Shredded Wheat and AllBran. I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. I'm in the initial stage of my golden years...: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP. I'm wondering; if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? I'm supporting all movements now ... by eating bran, prunes, and raisins. I'm a walking storeroom of facts.... I've just lost the storeroom. I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN ... and I think I am having the time of my life!!!! Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many more! You didn't send it, did you?

Grandpa talking to his grandson

One evening a boy was talking to his grandfather about current events. He asked him what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. His Granddad replied, Well, let me think a minute. I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There weren't things like radar, credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, and he hadn't walked on the moon. Your grandma and I got married first -- then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother, and every boy over 14 had a rifle that his dad taught him how to use and respect. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, 'Sir' and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.' In our time, closets were for clothes, not for 'coming out of.' Sundays were set aside for going to church as a family, helping those in need, and just visiting with family or neighbours. We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living here was a bigger privilege We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends -- not condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on radio. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. 5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day, 'grass' was mowed, 'coke' was a cold drink, 'pot' was something your mother cooked in, and 'rock music' was grandma's lullaby. 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, 'chip' meant a piece of wood, 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, and 'software' wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us old and confused and say there is such a generation gap. And I'm only 58 years old.


  1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
  4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
  8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
  9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
  10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
  11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
  12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realize it.
  13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
  15. You sing along with elevator music.
  16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
  17. Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
  18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service
  19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
  20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
  21. You can't remember who sent you this list.


Go back to top of page

Emails - Next - Back